


That's What I've Been Missing

by Miss_Vanderwaal



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-13
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-23 18:40:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7475523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Vanderwaal/pseuds/Miss_Vanderwaal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Under normal circumstances, Hanna never allowed herself to cry in front of Mona – the new Mona, or the real Mona, the girl with the knowledge of a civilization inside her head. However, the Mona that was currently sat at the table in Lucas’ loft with a laptop in front of her, the Mona with shorter hair, the Mona that was apologetically admitting a failure, was managing to take Hanna to the other end of that spectrum.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's What I've Been Missing

**Author's Note:**

> Ever since they promised us a Vandermarin scene in 7x04 (I believe it was in the beginning of season 7A), I've subliminally challenged myself to write something, anything, with whatever they might give us. So here it is. 
> 
> Ps: it diverges from the original scene quite a bit. I hope it feels believable enough.

\- I can’t do it – Mona said, before she blurted out a long list of SAT words used in the science of hacking. – I’m sorry, I… I really wanted to help you.

\- No, you have – Hanna assured her in a smooth tone in spite of herself. – A lot. It’s just that these last couple of days have been… – she looked up, trying to blink away the tears.

   Under normal circumstances, Hanna never allowed herself to cry in front of Mona – the new Mona, or the real Mona, the girl with the knowledge of a civilization inside her head. She always felt so weak near her, so powerless, while Mona was, seemingly, the personification of God: omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient. Frankly, Hanna would be lying if she didn’t say that there had been times when she thought Mona had the brain of a cyborg.

   However, the Mona that was currently sat at the table in Lucas’ loft with a laptop in front of her, the Mona with shorter hair, the Mona that was apologetically _admitting_ a failure, was managing to take Hanna to the other end of that spectrum. Hanna was starting to feel comfortable around that girl again, comfortable enough to think that it was okay to cry in front of her and that she wouldn’t be seen as weak because of it.

\- Spencer was right – Hanna smiled sadly. – There was time to stop. If only I hadn’t gotten the pedals mixed up…

\- No, look… – Mona interrupted in the same smooth tone and rose from her chair – you made a mistake. It can happen to anyone. And God knows I know a lot about mistakes. I’ve been there and done that, remember?

   Mona was looking right into Hanna’s eyes; the softness of her stare and her also sad smile made it clear that she knew Hanna would understand the reference. The blonde did, and looked down. The wound in her heart was healed indeed, but it still hurt when it got suddenly punched by those memories.

\- But the difference is that I didn’t want to hit Rollins and you… – Hanna stopped again to purse her lips and walk to sit on the coffee table. She wouldn’t dare finishing that sentence.

\- The difference is that you are not Rollins – Mona calmly stated as she sat on the couch, facing Hanna, who chuckled shyly.

\- I’ll take note of that.

   Mona laughed slightly as well, with her forearms resting on her knees; it was almost as if she wanted to reach for Hanna’s hands.

\- What I mean is… Rollins deserved what he got. You… you didn’t.

   Hanna gave Mona back the soft stare. Her expression was serene as if that was a distant regret.

\- When did the guilt stop haunting you? – the blonde felt determined enough to want to hear the answer.

   Mona subtly shook her head as an equally subtle smile curved her lips, full of certainty.

\- What makes you think it stopped?

   Hanna blinked. It wasn’t quite what she expected to hear. It felt like those words were caressing her wounded heart now, easing the impact of the previous punch.

\- Honestly, Han? – Mona’s fingers started moving tentatively closer to Hanna’s – The sound of you rolling over that car will _never_ get off my head.

   The tears gradually gathering up in Mona’s eyes touched something inside Hanna. Mona rapidly wiped one as it finally streaked down her left cheek and smiled again, apologetically.

\- I wasn’t suppose to make a pity party out of this rendez-vous – she concluded.

\- No – Hanna shook her own head this time, speaking even smoother than before. She brushed the tips of her fingers delicately against Mona’s. – In all these years, all I heard from you regarding this whole mess was a couple of faltering “I’m sorry”. And I have to admit: it feels good finally hearing something more.

   Mona’s lips were slightly parted now. It seemed she was trying her hardest not to look stunned.

\- I… I never thought you’d want to hear something more.

   Hanna nodded.

\- For a great amount of time, neither did I.

   They spent a few more seconds looking into each other eyes until Mona broke the contact to stare down at her nails.

\- This guilt that’s haunting you is gonna fade away sooner or later, you know? – she raised her gaze to Hanna once more – Because the difference between you and me right now is that you didn’t hit an innocent person.

   Hanna calmly breathed in and out once to allow those words to enter her mind. She actually managed to stop obsessing about what had happened the past night for a while. She took Mona’s hands in her own and sat next to the brunette on the couch.

\- And what if I told you that you, too, can stop feeling guilty now, once and for all?

   Mona gazed down at their hands delicately grasped onto one another.

\- I’d say that it’s easier to talk the talk than to walk the walk.

   Hanna slid her left thumb back and forth against the back of Mona’s right hand.

\- Do you remember when Wren said that I had been your guardian angel back when you were in jeopardy of being shipped out from Radley to a mental hospital in Saratoga? – she didn’t wait for Mona’s nod – Well, you’ve been ours since you got your certificate of sanity. I mean, we all, for sure, would be rocking orange jumpsuits again if it hadn’t been for you taking Rollins’ car.

\- Don’t forget your bracelet under the driver’s seat – Mona joked, obviously blushing.

\- See? You’ve saved our asses so many times and none of us ever said a proper thank you.

   Mona let go of Hanna’s hands and enlaced the girl’s shoulders with her arms.

\- I don’t care, as long as in the end I have the welcoming arms of the first one I ever turned for comfort to.

   Hanna’s upper body stiffened for half a second with the sudden closeness, but then relaxed. She didn’t recognize the smell of Mona’s perfume at first; it was a new scent to a new form of friendship. She let herself melt into that embrace while nostalgia took over her. She remembered how badly she had treated her friends after Mary Drake found her on the road and took her to Spencer’s house; she hadn’t wanted them to touch her, let alone hold her like that. God, she had been _so_ wrong.

\- When was the last time this happened? – Mona asked as those four palms slid unhurriedly across each other’s backs.

\- Don’t the names Matt Damon and Miami ring a bell to you? Spring break from our senior year in college?

\- No, I mean an “I wanna be glued to you for more than five seconds just so you know how much you mean to me” type of hug.

\- Oh – Hanna frowned, feeling guilty now only because she wasn’t able to think that far back. – A long time ago, I guess.

\- Exactly – Mona started tracing lines with the tips of her fingers across Hanna’s back. The fabric of Hanna’s leopard print blouse was thin so the blonde could feel Mona’s nails delicately scratching her and tickling her in some areas. – That’s what I’ve been missing.

**Author's Note:**

> It was such a beautiful scene, but it lacked a hug. Badly. So I had to add one in here, of course :3


End file.
